“With our school
friends and our families
we learn ways to show we care…”
[Lyrics fromThe MCH Montessori School Song]
On our Montessori playground and in our classroom we have some important agreements about how to get along with each other. Our agreements are good ideas about how to feel and to be safe, peaceful and happy being together, sharing our day with feelings of friendliness. There are many, many good ideas about how to get along as school friends, and we are learning more good ideas from each other every day. Agreements can change as we learn and we grow. Principles--the heart of the ideas--do not change.
We are working together to understand the “Big Idea” that all of the children at our school are friends. We all share our teachers, we all share the classroom, and we play together on the playground. This “Big Idea” means that all of our school friends can be friendly to each other, and treat each other in kind and friendly ways. It also means that I cannot own a friend, and it means that I cannot rightly keep one school friend all to myself all the time. People cannot “own” people; a friend cannot own a friend. Friends do not stop being friends when (just because) they choose to play with someone else. Sometimes it can mean we have to wait for a turn. We also say: “To have a friend, I must be a friend.” When I am being kind and friendly, other children are more likely to want to play with me.
Another “Big Idea” we are learning at school about being school friends is that it is usually a lot more fun on the playground when we cooperate, when we play in ways that are friendly! As an example, if we are playing “Ring around the Rosie” and another friend wants to play – we can just open up a space and make a bigger circle! Then are even more friends laughing and having fun! Dr. Perrah says it is like “The Grinch” whose heart grew three sizes and then he started to feel so much kinder and happier, because then he could let in (and out!) so much more love! [One of Dr. Ps favorite poems ends with the lines: “Love and I had a wit to win; we drew a circle that took them in.”]
Lately we are trying out a Big Idea called “You can’t say you can’t play.” What we are making this mean is that we are learning to welcome and invite school friends who would like to join in our play, instead of pushing them away with mean, hurtful words like “We don’t like you, you are ugly and we don’t want you to play with us.” It can mean that we are willing to talk together about ways to play that are kind, safe and fun for everyone. As an example, if we are playing “House-House” and a boy or girl wants to join in, we can think of another member of the family that includes them. The more, the merrier!
Some of the ways we find out about different ways to be kind, caring and friendly is by practicing our ICPS lessons and by talking peacefully with each other. Most of the time school friends can help each other talk out their problems. At other times they might need help from another child or from teachers to talk the problem all the way through. Sometimes friends need help so that everyone in the situation gets a fair turn to tell what happened, how they feel, and what they want to happen next, or what else they might try.
Sometimes friends need help to remember how to use the Wings’ Class “Three C’s”: 1. Communicate (Take turns talking and listening), 2. Cooperate (work together on possible solutions), and 3. Compromise (Dr. Perrah says that “compromise” can mean to “promise with” friends how the problem might be solved so everybody wins).
Sometimes all we
need to do is stop, take a slow breath, and remember:
Today I choose to be
kind and friendly.”
“Gentle hands, gentle hearts, and gentle words.”